ten things i hate as a bartender

I started working behind the bar over two years ago. To some people, it's not a very long time at all. To me, it sure is, and in those two years I have gathered a list of things that people do (mainly customers) that usually don't make me a very happy bartender. 

If you've ever worked behind the bar, I'm sure some of these will sound familiar. Let me know if there's anything you would have added. Or maybe you've been guitly of some of those things yourself? Don't worry, it's okay. Everybody makes mistakes. The truth is, a lot of people don't realise how rude or annoying some of these things are until they experience them from the other side of the bar.

1. No hello: The amount of times I've had a customer walk up to the bar, ignore my greeting and proceed to order their drink, usually without even looking at me, is unbelievable. Sadly a lot of customers tend to forget that they're talking to an actual human being and not some kind of robot. Extra dickhead points if they don't say "please" or "thank you" either. 
2. Tapping money or a credit card on the bar to catch my attention or show me you've been waiting too long: I have eyes. I can see you. You don't need to make noise on top of it for me to notice you. I'm not making you wait on purpose, if you're waiting there's always a valid reason. However if you do that, I might take even longer to serve you just to annoy you a little bit more. Oh, and if you decide to whistle or click your fingers at me you're in for a treat.
3. Ordering one drink at a time: Picture this: saturday night, a big group of people, preferably some of them sat down at the other end of the venue so you have to keep going back and forth because you didn't have the common sense to ask what everybody wanted before you stood up to go to the bar. There's about three rows of people waiting, and I'm stood there, asking "anything else?" more and more annoyed voice after every drink I make, sometimes even patiently (no) waiting for you to come back to the bar because you stopped for a nice little catch up on the way. Customers are staring at me, I'm trying to avoid eye contact and hope that they understand that it's your fault, not mine, if it's taking me triple the time it should have to complete this order. Bonus points if your reply to my "anything else?" is "there will be".
4. "Cheer up!": Okay, so anyone who knows me or has interacted with me even once in their life knows that I have major Resting Bitch Face. To the point where sometimes I even look really depressed. My friends and colleagues ask me if I'm okay about twenty times a day just because my face looks like that. It's kind of funny to me, until I hear those two words. Say I'm pouring a pint, minding my own business, staring out the window as I do it. I'm not gonna be smiling at the window now, am I ? Why would I do that ? That's just weird. Yet some guy stood at the bar decides that I, in fact, should be smiling at everyone and everything because he personally thinks it looks better. So he shares his opinion with me in the form of "Cheer up!". He usually looks really proud of himself as he says that. At first I didn't know how to react to that. Now my reaction is usually the fakest, creepiest, ugliest smile you've ever seen, and I ask "is that better?".
   
   

   

   kind of like that

    I do not have the energy or the time to explain to every brainless half-cut middle-aged man I've come across why it's wrong to tell the bartender to smile so I'll just sum it up here: you can ask me (not tell me) to pour you a pint, wipe your table, show you where the toilet is, borrow a pen. Because it's my job and I get paid for it. Smiling when I interact with customers is part of the job too, and I do it. However, smiling on demand is not my job, nor is smiling while walking around just because you think it looks better.
5. People who order to their friends: Let me explain this one: You've got two people at the bar. The first one orders their drinks, and turns to the other one asking what they want. And what do they do? Without even looking at me, they tell their friend what they want and the friend then proceeds to inform me as if I didn't have ears. I've even had it happen where I then asked the second friend a question about their drink and the first friend had to repeat the question to them, and the answer to me. Kind of as if myself and the second friend didn't speak the same language and needed and interpreter, except we don't. I usually makes me feel like that second friend really doesn't want to interact with me for some weird reason. Maybe it's the bitchface? It's scary? I don't know.
6. People who get angry because I didn't serve them first: Now, I try my best to keep track of who's next most of the time, but if the bar gets a bit busy, I will get confused and sometimes I'll unintentionally skip someone. I understand this is a little bit frustrating, but in most cases there will be someone else on the bar with me who will be able to serve that poor customer in the next five minutes. So where's the need for kicking off? I've had people actually LEAVE the venue because I didn't serve them in the right order. I can only think of very few situations where you'd be in such a hurry to have a pint. You're on your day off (hopefully), you've been here for about three hours drinking, what's five minutes of waiting gonna do to you ? 
7. Having to refuse people service because they're drunk: There's just something really disturbing about having to tell a man who could be my father that he's had too much and it's time to go home. You would think at that age that they would have figured out how to control themselves in public. Also, sometimes I'm a bit worried I might get punched in the face.
8. "What beers do you do ?": IT'S ON THE TAPS
9. Assholes: Simple: anyone who feels the need to be rude to a perfect stranger is an asshole. If the bartender is being rude to you in the first place, then fair enough, there's clearly something wrong and feel free to let the manager know so they can get the problem fixed. But if the bartender is just doing their job, and you decide to be a complete bitch about everything, you simply are a bad person. I have had way too many cases of people who gave me the impression that they simply came in to upset the staff as much as possible, and I just don't understand that. Also, if the bartender serving you is clearly new, don't be a dick. 
10. Last but not least: DO NOT ORDER GUINNESS LAST!